It's no where to be found.
That body is only in movies and magazines.
After spending most of our weekend poolside at the Omni Hotel in Orlando, I realized that the perfect body doesn't exist. Or, at least, it's not found in Orlando. Although I did have my moments of insecurity (very few moments), I made sure to never show that to my children. I swam, I jumped, I floated down the lazy river. Oh, that was heaven on earth!! I enjoyed every moment with my children. Well, not exactly, every moment, but you know what I mean.
I do struggle looking at our pictures from the weekend. Is that really me?
I sit here tonight drinking a bud light with lime and sneaking mini powered donuts every few minutes, hoping nobody sees me, and I wonder how this weight will ever come off?
I look at these pictures and think "I am happy", I really am. I don't feel lost or sad or miserable. I am very much happy. I just know that this isn't the life my God has planned for me. And I know I am not living each day to it's utmost potential. And I know my husband isn't proud to walk side by side with me. I mean, how could he be proud? I'm certainly not the girl he married.
I think I'm going to call it an early night tonight. I would like to get into the habit at least before school starts to get up early. Like before the kids get up so I can have some time with God. I'm not saying that I'm starting that tomorrow, but at least want to start going to bed earlier.
Also, it's been a great weekend and I am wiped!!