Balance

I've been a mom for 8 years and about 6 of those years I've also worked from home. Primarily doing advertising sales. I love sales. I thrive on the victory of getting the sale and at times it becomes all consuming. Fast forward and now I am helping to publish a family magazine and having to do sales. But also, I'm a wife and mom and I struggle greatly in finding the balance to do it all. Something always suffers. I've never, ever really been good at working from home and caring for my family. My husband has just about begged me over the past few months to just be a mom and a wife and forget doing anything else. Let your work be your family. I have never seemed content though with that. I've always wanted more.

Maybe it's because I'm still looking outside of myself for that satisfaction. When in fact, the Lord, is waiting for me to grab a hold of him and say, "Lead me, guide me, I will follow". In my mind I say my relationship is good with God and I'm all his, but really, in my heart is where I don't always feel it. What is God's purpose for my life? Really, it's to please Him. Am I pleasing him but slacking at home and slacking with my work on the magazine? Am I pleasing HIM by not taking care of myself and spending countless hours on this box of a time machine? Definitely not pleasing to Him.

The verse that comes to mind is in Deuteronomy 2:3, "You have been wandering around in this hill country long enough; turn to the north."

It's like, "you've been making the same mistake over and over again, now do something". That's what I hear. I've been trying to do this work at home thing and stay at home mom thing for YEARS, YEARS, and I have never really done it successful and with balance.

That is where I'm at today. I am praying for direction and guidance. Lord, what do you want me to do? What am I called to do? I love being home with my kids and being here for my family, I do, but I need more. I need to feel appreciated in all that I do and sometimes, there is absolutely no fulfillment in being a stay at home mom. Sometimes it down right sucks. Lord, ultimately, I know my grand fulfillment must come from you. I was made for more Father, and in you I know I can achieve balance.

I believe you Father.