Thursday, November 4, 2010

Made to Crave more than just food

5:45am came awfully early this morning. I couldn't believe it though, I got up. Thankfully I put out my clothes and shoes the night before. I have to do this every night. I know it will make a difference. Another Amen is that the studio is only a few seconds away if I make the light. I am so grateful for that.

Yaro - that is the teachers name. He has this gigantic smile at 6am. And his favorite word is "double time". You know what that's like when you're doing squats? Oh, goodness, what have I gotten myself into?

This is a journey. Each day is a gift from God. Another day that I didn't die from killing myself with food. Another day to draw closer to HIM. And boy was I praying with every stretch and pull.

It was hard. But I did it.

A few hours later and I feel great. Thank you Lord for getting me up and motivated today.

I received an advance copy of Lysa Terkeurst new book, Made to Crave. I think she wrote this book with me in mind. And it is incredible to me that it arrived yesterday. The same day that I got a call from Vickie from the studio and on the same day that Pam and I decided to write the story about my journey to good living.

I'll probably be quoting a lot from the book. She talks about how hard it was to admit that she relied on food more than she relied on God. She (me) craved food more than God. Wow, isn't that hard to admit? Could I ever admit that to my friends, my Christian friends? The thing is, is that it is very clear and obvious that I looked to food as my comfort rather than my God as my comfort. My sin is always right out there in front for everyone to see.

Now I need to reflect on the times that food was my comfort, reward, Joy, stress, sadness, happiness. I need to reflect on times in my life where I put food before me in these times. Now is another tough part - digging deep. Digging deep and remembering these times. Here is where I want to shut off, or rather, shut down the computer. Lord, I can do all things, I am more than a conqueror and I was made for more than this. Lord, help me.

I don't have many childhood memories. I do have memories though that are around food as a child. I remember being home alone A LOT and eating. Eating whatever was there. I always wanted to play "restaurant" at my friends house next door because they always had better food. Ironically enough, my mom would not buy ice cream, cookies, etc... and have it in the house very often. But they did. All the time. And I was always eating food at their house. I think food was my comfort growing up because my mom wasn't around. She worked or was out. Food was my friend. It all seems so cliche'. Not sure how to spell that word.

Stress is another time where I find myself grazing through the kitchen. Usually very mindlessly too.

I'm shutting down. Maybe that's enough for now.

Made for more,

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