Big Day

Today God answered a huge prayer.

So a few weeks ago I started to walk into this martial arts place off highland, about 40 seconds from my house. I chickened out. I’ve been stalking their website for weeks reading about this KUT program they have. 9 weeks of kickboxing, fitness, exercise, nutrition, etc… I started praying about it and asking if it’s Gods will for me to cover my “journey to Good Living” in the magazine. Did I want to expose myself so much? I left them a message last week to see if there would be any interest. No response.

Today I get a call from Vickie. “Hi, did you give me a magazine at trunk or treat on Sunday”.

OMW – "NO, but Pam my partner did (I guess, I wasn’t there). I left you a message. And I haven’t even told her about you or my idea for the story."

Is this answered prayer?

Tomorrow I start at 6am. It's funny how God works this out, but there's a catch. I have to commit to the mornings. I've always struggled with getting up early, yet, I've always wanted to be up early and exercise in the mornings. And here, it works out, that the only time for me to make this work is by being there at 6am. Come to find out, there are 3 other moms that are in the 6am class.

So instead of wondering if today or tomorrow is the day I'm going to die because my heart can no longer handle all this weight. Today is the day to the rest of my life. Today is the day that I chose to dig deep and have God by my side to guide me on this journey. Today is the day that I crave God and not the food.

It's easier to make excuses than to make changes. I'm tired of all the excuses. God is calling me. It's time to listen!

Please pray for me.

Today is the Day

I go to the doctor for a complete physical. What does that mean really? I want them to run every test they possibly can. I need to see how unhealthy I really am. I know I can look in the mirror and see it, but to me, seeing the numbers from the blood test or having some doctor I don't even know tell me that I am dying a slow death, I think maybe I'll listen. Not sure what it's going to take for me to pull it together. I am extremely uncomfortable. My breathing is shallow. I have heart palpitations. My knees and feet hurt so badly. My lungs wheeze. What else? Physically I am dying.

I was made for so much more.

Enjoy the Puppy

It wasn't love at first sight. But I've watched many the past week just go crazy over this little puppy. Even grown men crumble to pieces at the site of Ruby. Yes, Ruby is her name. I picked out her name. I love her name and I'm starting to love her more.

I was very resentful of Ruby at first. It was a reminder of something else I didn't experience as a child. Along with this time of year, of never carving a pumpkin and yes, never did I have a dog, let alone a puppy. Since Ruby joined the family I've thought a lot about my childhood and how I don't have many fond memories. Nothing that I hold close to my heart with a smile.

The other night Ruby jumped on my lap and she was licking my face and loving on me and I just could not "get it". I was uncomfortable and wanted her to stop. Greg said to me, "Jen, enjoy the puppy, just enjoy the puppy". In that moment I realized that I wasn't allowing myself to really enjoy her. To marvel in the fact that we have this beautiful little puppy. Everyone loves a puppy. Greg reminded me to stop thinking about all that I didn't have growing up, but to enjoy this moment now that our kids are getting to have. "Jen, just enjoy the puppy". So I started to repeat it over and over while loving on Ruby. "Enjoy the puppy, Jen, enjoy the puppy". And slowly the wall started to crumble and I realized what a Joy it is to have this little puppy.

Here's Ruby....



Isn't she precious? I love her!

Forgiven

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I'm reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life
I know what I've been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I'm forgiven
I'm forgiven
And I don't have to carry
The weight of who I've been

Sanctus Real

Grace

There's been a lot of talk lately about GRACE. Grace givers, grace sharers and grace haters. But how do you give Grace when you don't like someone? And to make it worse, how do you even share openly that you don't even like someone, being that I am called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and we all know that He likes everyone? So, how do I extend this Grace to people that I don't really like. People that I don't even want to spend a minute alone in a room with? How do I extend the same Grace that I receive daily to those that I don't even think about most days?

That's so not Christ-like.

And this is one of those tough things as a Christian that I struggle with. Among many other things. But this is the flavor this week. GRACE.

Do I truly know what Grace feels like?

Beautiful Grace. That is what this is about right? I take off on my Grace Discovery journey.

Grace is an undeserved free gift, undeserved favor, and undeserved love. (from Seek God).

All of the other religions of the world offer salvation by works. They say if you become good enough you can work your way to God, you must go through procedures and sufferings and rituals to get to God. Some religions say that you can become a god, this appeals to man's pride. Just as when pride entered into Satan and he said, "I will be like the Most High God", and he became God's enemy. The new age religions all pickup on this theme, that you can become a god. It is not new; even in the Garden of Eden Satan tempted Eve by telling her if she ate the fruit that she would become like God. (from Seek God).

(Ephesians 2:8-9 NKJV) For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, {9} not of works, lest anyone should boast. Everything about our relationship with God depends upon us trusting Him in faith, by resting in His grace. We are to come to Him as a little child saying, "Daddy pick me up", and He does, Then He caries us. (Isaiah 46:4 NIV) Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

So what gets in the way of receiving God's Beautiful Grace?

For me...pride, ego, sin, lies. And as a Christian, I experience all of these on a daily basis. So why is it that some of the verses in the bible I take to heart but other verses I choose to ignore? Why is it that so many of us Christians are sitting in our Church pews in so much pain and anger and resentment and pride and still asking for God to Bless us? I'm starting to understand that God cannot bless my life if I am being disobedient to Him. Partial obedience is total disobedience to God.

I don't have the answers.

Toxic Family

Why is it that the family we are born with can really suck sometimes? Not just sometimes but most of the time? Yet, the family that we grow in Christ with is the family that God truly intended for us to be with. Greg and I are so grateful for our spiritual families. Greg got some pretty deep information this weekend about his parents and we're just trying to process it all. My intention is to hurt them and yell and get back at them - totally not Christ like. Greg, in his Godly ways, is processing it and full of prayer and gratitude. Why is it that my reaction is sometimes not the most Christ like reaction at first? I love how some people can immediately stop and pray and listen for what God wants them to do next. I, in other words, I react and get all emotional and want to be right, right, right. It's so annoying. I'm such a work in progress. But aren't we all. Greg knows in his heart that God has intended for all that was done to him to be used for good. Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

In other news... Experience Church launched and it's so awesome. I am excited for what God is doing and going to do.

I hope to get back to coming here and writing. It's that consistency thing.

Consistency

Whatever that means.

Definitely a word I want to get more familiar with.

I don't come here often. I don't even know if anyone else does either. That's ok though. I don't write for others. But I do need to write consistently for me. I don't really do anything consistently and I'm totally ALL OR NOTHING. When I'm blogging - it's all about the blog world. When I'm focused on my weight - then I'm all about that. And it goes on and on. I have a tune I sing for about a week, then it all fades away.

The magazine launched this week. I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself. We have received a tremendous response. People are loving it. And it's still hard to believe that I have co-published a magazine. I guess I CAN be consistent when I want to be.

Greg leaves for Romania in days. I am so excited for him. Much different from when he left last year. We will miss him, but we know he is doing this for the greater good and we will cheer him on and pray for him CONSISTENTLY!

Mom was diagnosed with diastolic dysfunction. The pulmonary hypertension is not there. She apparently was misdiagnosed the past 4 years. I believe she was healed. God's timing is perfect. This new diagnosis is tough to handle too, but much more manageable than the other. They are both fatal, but with the new diagnosis, there are treatments for it. Basically it is heart disease. It's a HUGE wake up call for both of us.

Talk about stepping in the path of consistency!